Jesse Metcalfe Naked

I saw this movie earlier today and can't get over how much I liked it. Although I am far from an expert, Rosamund Pike deserves an Oscar nod at the very least. 

I have a story about how my life was ruined forever. When I was 9 I was abused by a babysitter. She was a late 20's to 30 year old woman. My parents hired her a lot and I did enjoy having her at first. My parents would go on holiday a lot and just leave me at home because they clearly regretted having me. This babysitter would look after me sometimes for a day or two and others a week or so. This babysitter started off really nice and my first impression was she was a kind and fun person. She was letting me break the rules my parents set for me and told me to keep the secret or I'd get in a lot of trouble. The rules were things relating to bedtime and what things I was having for dinner. She'd buy my favourite desserts and it seemed like she genuinely enjoyed making me happy. I had her many times in the past and nothing ever happened during those times. She'd just spoil me, give me freedom and was very kind to me. I felt like she was my friend and thought she was very fun to hang out with. She used to ask for hugs and to cuddle and I thought nothing of it because she was so nice to me. Then one day we were watching a movie together whilst eating ice cream she just pinned me down on the sofa and shoved her tongue down my throat. This babysitter was fully grown woman in her late 20's to early 30s and I was 9 and not as strong as her. I was pretty startled and the power difference was so significant it scared me. She felt very strong. I was in shock and just froze up and during the times I did try to push her off me I wasn't strong enough. I think me failing to push her away just encouraged her more. I was startled and confused but she kept trying to reassure me. I told her I didn't like what she was doing and she kept telling me that it's fine and I need to just shut up and enjoy it. So I shut up and tried to enjoy it. She was quite rough with me and she was hurting me. She stopped kissing and grinding on me after a while and things seemed to have calmed down or so I thought. We were watching tv and she turned it off and we both just sat in a quiet room for a while. I was just staring at her and she was staring back and it felt incredibly awkward. She asked me if I wanted to do something fun and I stupidly said yes because I wanted to kill the awkwardness in the room. She then dragged me upstairs saying she wanted to show me something whilst I was asking her what and trying to keep up with her. She took me to my room and threw me onto my bed and told me to take off my clothes and I did. I think her just being an adult and physically throwing me around made me listen to her because I would have never done it normally as at that age I was quite innocent but she was forceful with me. The moment I took my clothes off she did things to me. Some things did feel nice but others were very painful. We had sex but she also did other things. She put her fingers inside me but I was a guy and her nails really hurt and I told her but she didn't care. When it was over I felt dirty and ashamed of myself. After it happened she made out how special I was and that I did a good job but I was hurting a lot. She sat with me next to my bed and stroked my hair whilst telling me I made her very happy and was thanking me. She waited for me to fall asleep (I faked it) and then she left. I lay awake for hours afterwards because I was in pain as my butt felt like it was bleeding. The next day she was really nice to me again and brought my pancakes to my bed and got me ready for school. When I brought up what happened the night before she acted like it never happened and said that ice cream before bed effects dreams and for some reason I believed her despite the fact I felt incredibly sore. Then that evening we had ice cream again and something similar happened the next night. I fought more this time but we ended up having sex again. I shouted at her that I would do anything she wants as long as she didn't hurt me like yesterday so we just had sex and she made me perform oral sex on her. I did not enjoy it but I felt like I had no choice. This stuff happened for 3 days in a row until my parents came back. When they came back I didn't tell them what happened. This dynamic continued to happen until I got too old for a babysitter. I should have told someone but I never did. I know what she did to me. I'm fully aware that she is a monster. But that monster was the only person who ever made me feel loved. My parents never treated me as warmly as she did. They were cold and never showed me the slightest bit of kindness. They'd even go on holiday without me because they didn't enjoy having me. Compared to them that woman was basically the only person I truly had. It was abuse, simple as that, but I was fine with it because my life was sad and I had nobody else. I am not a child anymore. I'm 20 but I still think about this woman all the time. My mental health is really bad nowadays and I'm fairly sure she played a big part in it along with my upbringing in general. I constantly fall into abusive relationships too. I think deep down I'm searching for a woman who treated me like how she treated me. Kind sometimes but abusive. Not sure why but that is my type now. As you can probably tell, I live a miserable and stressful life. If she never abused me I wonder how my life would have turned out.

In addition to unnatural conditioning the regular use of a strong vibrator results in desensitization (negative neural feedback). This isn't permanent but it takes several weeks to regain full sensitivity after months of regular vibrator use.

At 8:15, Aurora almost accidentally revealed The River and caught herself in the nick of time. :D But it was fascinating that Caitlin talked about just that and watching Aurora perk up in recognition!